Thoughts On My Changing Body (+ an Ode to Kaftans)
(TW: Weight.) I’m going to be honest: I’ve gained quite a bit of weight over the past couple of years. At first I assumed it was because of my lack of movement due to COVID and being home all of the time. I do stairs daily at work, but that obviously stopped when I was at home and my workstation was on the same level, mere steps from my bedroom. I worked from home full-time for 14 months, and in that time I went up around one size in bottoms.
I’m someone that carries extra weight in my gut. From there it moves to my hips and thighs. That means a lot of my shorts, pants, and jeans were no longer comfortable to wear. It’s been years since I’ve had a significant change in weight, if ever? I weighed the most when I was horseback riding consistently, but I was also a lot stronger. I’m now back up to that weight but for a very different reason. I can’t help but feel frustrated.
What I thought was regular bloating (which happens to me every month right around my period) turned out to be more permanent. I feel permanently bloated. I gained more weight the past few months, even though I’ve been in the office since June 2021 (and was full time in the office for nearly 7 months before working what is now a hybrid schedule). I wonder if this is just my metabolism catching up to me (read: slowing down) now that I’m in my 30s? So fun!
Kate wrote a poignant essay about her changing body, and I relate to so many of the same things she said. I do not recognize myself in the mirror. I HATE looking in the mirror. I feel body positivity towards others but cannot find it for myself. I suppose my goal is to just be body neutral.
I’ve been a size 0/25 for so long that it feels foreign to be anything else. I’m now closer to a 4/27. I know that’s considered small, but it’s still a huge change for me. And it means a lot of my clothes don’t fit like they used to (or at all), and I’m struggling with that (and annoyed that I can’t wear a lot of the things I love/need to re-purchase items/find new items to love).
It’s weird to look at blog photos from a few years ago and notice that I used to be smaller. I was self-conscious about my stomach THEN. If only I knew what was coming for me. I’m honestly scared for the future. Will the weight gain stop? Will I be able to enjoy my clothes for longer than a year again?
(Yesterday, I had my annual wellness visit with my doctor including a blood draw for testing, so maybe something will come of that? Maybe not, though. Maybe this is just how my body is now.)
An Ode to Kaftans
Since very few of my pants and jeans fit, I’ve gotta hand it to the best item in my closet right now: the kaftan. I feel like myself when I wear this dress. I can tell that my stomach sticks out more, which makes me self-conscious when I’m around other people. But this is my best-fitting, most comfortable one-and-done article of clothing I own right now.
Why I love kaftans: they’re loose through the midsection and hips, which are my personal “problem” areas. I love that the fabric of this kaftan in particular is slightly heavier, so it drapes nicely and doesn’t fly around too much when it’s windy. The midi length is also ideal for wind (and the office!).
Not only is it the best beach vacation dress since it doesn’t hold wrinkles, it’s also fabulous to wear to work. I’m so happy it’s finally warming up again so I can wear it at least once a week to work. Now I’m wondering if I should add more kaftans to my wardrobe. They really do seem to be the best option for fluctuating (or increasing…) weight.
I must give an honorable mention to my linen shift dress, which I had dubbed the most forgiving dress silhouette (that I was before I purchased my kaftan!). I don’t know that I’d wear the linen shift dress to work but it’s perfect for any other time. In that post I also wrote a little bit about how my body had changed up until that point. It’s wild that I’ve changed sizes again.
Photos by Maggie Grace Photography
Shop Kaftan Dresses Under $200
OUTFIT DETAILS
Two Days Off dress / exact or similar by H&M (last seen here)
Nisolo sandals / exact (also available from Zappos, Anthropologie, or Nordstrom)
Old Navy hat / old; similar or similar by Gap
Dior Lip Glow in rosewood / exact